Funeral Eulogy

This is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, condense all I want to say about my mum into a few minutes, all the things I’d love to share about mum, hours, days or possibly weeks wouldn’t be enough to express the stories, love and moments I’ve shared with her for more than 50 years, so I’ll just mention a small portion that were special to me.

My mother Jan was caring, loving & compassionate. Mum had friends of all ages, backgrounds and walks of life. One of her greatest qualities was to encourage everyone to do their best in everything, as she always strived to do. Mum loved to entertain and socialise, I’ve heard endless stories and seen many photos from mum’s younger years and the functions and parties she both catered and enjoyed. Mum worked hard in everything she put her mind to, I think that was just how the Allen’s were raised, it was in their DNA from early in life. Mum was also a wonderful homemaker.

There have been so many times I think back on and smile and will always fondly remember.

The times mum rubbed calamine lotion all over me when I was pregnant and the itchiness was driving me crazy.

At Georgia’s birth when only her head was out, and mum was still questioning the midwife “are you definitely sure it’s a girl?”

In Queensland watching mum & nana swimming with dolphins, and the joy on both their faces.

Our trip back to Penang & Thailand just the 2 of us,

The night when I was only about 15 or 16 mum took me out to dinner and decided I was an adult that night and we ended up at St Paul’s dancing. It was only a quiet weeknight but I was so excited I’d gone to my first nightclub, regardless that it was my uncles and I’d been there during the day many times prior, I hadn’t in that context with mum.

and so many more – too many to list.

Mum was somewhat of a perfectionist often to a fault.

Mum was NEVER going to have an animal live inside her house….she couldn’t stand animal hair on anything…that is until Georgia’s beloved Milo moved in and the tables turned. The blind was left slightly open so he could look out each night, fed chicken treats and even invited him onto her bed which he was never keen on, yet we found him on the bed 2 nights ago missing both mum & dad not being there.

If mum put on a dinner, party or event for those she loved it had to be just perfect (often staying up half the night doing just that)

Mum would be horrified if you went out without ironing what you wore, she left notes EVERYWHERE organising things, ran her home finances like a ledger book and even had us tidying up her hospital room at the Royal Adelaide each visit before we left as she couldn’t believe how slack the nurses were these days and the mess they left her room in.

I remember going out to dinner and mum had ordered a cognac and was horrified when it came in a shot glass, and had to educate the bar staff the reason it should be served in a brandy balloon. It was not a brief lesson!

Saturdays when Mum and dad in the back yard listening to the horse racing on the radio as they had their own tipping competition going on between them that was serious business all drawn up in its own little book, recording each weeks points to win the kitty from the other at the end of the season.

Sending Georgia to child care show and tell with a gladioli or saying she had a sore binge as it had to be the correct terminology, regardless if every other 3 year old would call them flowers or their tummy!

The time Georgia alone put almost every pantry item in a bowl to “make a cake for nana” but still knew from mum’s fussy ways to put a tray underneath it all so nana wouldn’t be upset because she hadn’t gotten it all over the counter.

The many times one or two of us would have to lay down in the back of mum’s Hillman Hunter Ute to get to bowling at Norwood when we were kids as there weren’t enough seats for us all, mum pouring the Lego into the bath with us as it needed regular washing, mum giving us a job at Nana’s Welcome Home party from Penang at Glynde where we spent an entire day sitting on stools at the kitchen sink washing glasses as everyone seemed to be given a new glass every single drink they got poured (or so it felt like), each year often under duress mum insisting we make our Christmas cards for the entire family as it was more personal, glitter galore, I never ever want to draw holly again! Mum telling Vanessa the steak and kidney pie for dinner was meat pie so she would eat it without a battle.

Over the years we heard repeated stories of Winky, how mum did so many household chores as a young girl as well as washed, ironed & starched all her brothers’ shirts we would start to assume Nana must have been a lady of leisure back in those days, especially as the list seemed to increase with every time it was told.

One of the warmest memories I have of how kind mum’s heart was is when she noticed bookings for Christmas Lunch for the Grange Hotel Dining Room of only 1 person, she would chase them up and encourage them to all sit together as she thought no one should be at a table eating alone at Christmas if she could fix it. Mum did many little things like that which meant so much to others and I totally admired that thoughtfulness in her.

Mum always had an opinion on things and at times didn’t filter how she expressed them, but she was always real, called a spade a spade. She never sugar coated things, she said exactly how she felt and you knew exactly where you stood and got the honest truth, like it or not, but she always meant it with the best intentions, her heart was always in the right place.

Mum was a wonderful mother and an awesome grandmother. I’ve never known a child to be as close to her grandparents as Georgia was. They shared a very special bond created and nurtured right from birth. Mum had a sense of humour I admit I didn’t always understand but somehow Georgia always did.

They say things happen for a reason, l’ve never really related to that in the past, but in hindsight some unforeseen situations gave us the gift of moving back home and spending so many more incredible moments over the last 2 years together. We gained a lot of uninterrupted family time, and it was a blessing in disguise, in hindsight. Our relationship was stronger and closer than ever before. Being able to see each other, talking everyday and our “Saturdays with Sidney”, all 3 of us girls in Mums bed watching her favourite movies and the fun we had doing the Scavenger hunt on Mums most recent birthday were some of the best times, from just this year.

I credit so much of who I am because Mum taught me to be a good person and do what was right, and in turn I hope I’ve done the same for my daughter. Mum loved me no matter what, in the good and bad times. Others couldn’t believe how many times we could ring each other some days, but that’s what we did. I always knew mum would be there whenever I needed her for advice, her opinion, a hug, reassurance, love, a roof over my head, to just listen or even a lecture if I needed it. Not to mention you make the best sandwiches and savoury mince!! And we can’t forget Georgia’s favourite Cauliflower au gratin!

I know how much mums loved and worried about Dad, as she always took care of him and he took care of her. Georgia and I promise to take on that role to the best of our ability and hopefully do her proud. We have some pretty big shoes to fill. All three of us will stick together and take care of each other now, as she would have wanted.

I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. Who will I ring when I get exciting news, or don’t know how to do something, if I’m overwhelmed and need a hug, already I’ve had so many of those moments, and it’s not even been two weeks. I have never in my life experienced this sort of pain and wish mum were here to guide me through this heartache as only she could. I miss her so much.

She was my mum but also my friend, I will love and miss her forever, and cherish all the special moments we had that will never leave my heart. I love you mum! Paula.
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Where do I start. Janette Yvonne Carr, my Nana, my support, my biggest fan and one of my closest friends. It’s crazy to think how much I have grown to love Nana, as much as I have, in only the 16 years I’ve known her. My whole life, but only a small chunk of hers.

Nana was incredibly special to so many people. Including me. Nana and I had an unusual connection but an amazing relationship that I can confidently say not many other granddaughters have had. Nana and I always understood each other, could talk without saying a word and always got each other’s humour, something that some people found hard.

Spending the time I have with her in the last few years has been a blessing.
Although we’ve always been close, my mum, nana and I, the three of us have never been closer. All the pranks we played on eachother, dressing up as a nurse and doctor on mother’s day, giving her some interesting birthday gifts and filling her room with balloons, and thats only naming a few from this year. All moments I now look back on and treasure. Although I can’t forget about everything else Nana did for me.
The little things, like sneaking a kit kat into my school lunch box, always leaving me a note in my breakfast bowl and making me a milo before bed. All the small things that become normal until they’re gone.

Nana, I love you dearly. The things I’d do to have one more hug, one mor kiss from you, one more I love you to the moon and back. But you said to me, the Wednesday before you left us, “I don’t want you to be sad when I’m gone, I won’t be in pain anymore”. And although Nana, that is easier said than done, I promise, Mum, Grandpa and I will try our best each day to honour you and to celebrate your life, focusing on what we had, not what we miss.

Georgia